It was a scary thing to see because the police and firefighters were driving so fast. It looked like they were racing because of the speed they were going. This accident might have happened because someone was on their phone distracted or someone took a red light on purpose but nobody really knows because nothing came up on the news. But lots of accidents have been happening and people should honestly be more cautious because they may never what can happen.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Weekend Observations
Five days ago on October 23, police cars and firefighter trucks were driving down somewhere near Janura park. Police officers and firefighters were on the way to the accident. I don't know exactly what happened, but this took place here in Berwyn. I was feeling very palpable when I saw the police because whenever I see police I think something bad happened, some people that were near it might know what happened and might know why the police arrived.The police and firefighters were driving incredibly fast, they might have drove that way because something major happened, other people were just standing around shocked because of how fast they were going. Although some were just standing around watching the police and firefighters arrive at what happened. Hopefully people are more alert next time so an accident won't happen again.
It was a scary thing to see because the police and firefighters were driving so fast. It looked like they were racing because of the speed they were going. This accident might have happened because someone was on their phone distracted or someone took a red light on purpose but nobody really knows because nothing came up on the news. But lots of accidents have been happening and people should honestly be more cautious because they may never what can happen.
It was a scary thing to see because the police and firefighters were driving so fast. It looked like they were racing because of the speed they were going. This accident might have happened because someone was on their phone distracted or someone took a red light on purpose but nobody really knows because nothing came up on the news. But lots of accidents have been happening and people should honestly be more cautious because they may never what can happen.
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It is horrible to know that people are getting hurt and I agree with you, hopefully people are more alert so then nothing bad will happen. You really showed that in your writing that you were sad to see how many people are getting hurt, but then some of your sentences were run on sentences. So try to fix that, and don't try to mention everything in on sentence. And I don't know if it was meant to be that way, but after Berwyn there should be a period. Always you aren't putting your opinion which you kinda did a lot of, like by mentioning the word "I".
ReplyDeleteTry to get more evidence of what happened so then you can add more detail. Like make sure you have all the 5W's, because you only have one paragraph and you need more. Putting everything aside, this was a really interesting story, just a few mistakes , but still well written.